I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize