she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
