Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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