We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
