She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
