I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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