it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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