Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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