Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
