I hate all girls vehemently.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
