I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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