why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
