you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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