I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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