i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
