We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no you cant smoke seaweed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
