I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the raccoons are back...
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