Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
