My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
