And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
