I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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