did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
