I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
