ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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