Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
