I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize