just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
