We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize