Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
