He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
where are my eyebrows?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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