if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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