Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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