Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
