am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
