well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
