I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
