I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
