Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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