Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
