Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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