He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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