Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
