well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
