if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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