"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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