why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
