Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
