I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
