Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
