grandma shit on top of the toilet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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