It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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