Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
