i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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