At least make sure they are 18
Why
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
