Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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