Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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