I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
