What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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