My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
