Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i love accidental penises.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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